Remembering Mom
A Mother’s Day Letter
By Andrea Christensen Brett 2023
Dear Mom
I know you’re not with me here
I mean here
Physically on earth
Anymore
But I want you to know
You are
Still
Here
Sometimes it amazes me
How much
You are here
You’re here in my kitchen
As I add a little extra salt
And as I only use real butter
And as I throw a meal together
Out of nothing
Before everyone else even has time
To change out of their Sunday clothes
And get back to the kitchen
You’re here in any wise words
I may pass on
Because they are words you said
To me
I may not have liked them at the time
And you probably didn’t think
I was even listening
But
I was
Listening
You’re here when I take dinner to a neighbor
Or tie a ribbon on a gift for a friend
You’re here when I go to my armoire
To choose something from the
Little stash of treasures -
“Bo-prizes”
I have on hand
You’re here when my heart goes out
To so many places
My hands can’t be
You’re here when I do dishes
Even when I don’t feel like it
Or when I go to church
Even when I don’t feel like it
Or when I do any good or
Right thing
Even when I don’t feel like it
You’re here when I get up early
And stay up late
To do work no one sees
Or probably even cares about
You’re here when I decorate a table
Or a room
Or a house
You’re here in bold colors
And risky choices
A touch of red
Mom,
You were Pinterest
Before there
Was Pinterest
You’re here when I try to win the heart
Of a grandchild who hasn’t quite taken to me yet
I remember how creative you got
And the bond you made
With Beanie Babies
You’re here every time I take the dog
For a walk
You weren’t a dog person yourself
But you didn’t let that stop you
From letting me be one
You’re here when I write
When I craft words
Because word order matters
You’re here when I get nervous
To play the piano
But I do it anyway
You’re here when
I create
Anything
You’re here in the books I read
In the messy underlining
And the scribbles in the margins
You’re here in my scriptures
In my love for the word of God
And my desire to dig
More deeply for Him there
To find the words
That will change me
And hopefully
Help me be more like Him
You’re here when I try to
Let others have their path
Because it’s a long time
Before that final score
Comes in
You’re here
When I try my best
To let love be the answer
No matter what
The question is
You’re here when I sit quietly
Observing the room full of people
And overwhelmingly
Feeling them
There’s so much I could say
But I don’t say it
You’re here when I shop for clothes
And gravitate to black
Again
Mom, we always teased you for
Writing the “Book on Modesty”
But I want you to know
I still read it
You’re here in my mirror
It seems I see you there
More every day
It’s you looking back at me
And I’m not gonna lie
Sometimes it kinda freaks me out
You’re here in my melancholy
My cheers for the underdog
My pathetic sentimentality
My fear of missing out
On anything
You’re here when my heart
Is in so
Many
Places
You’re here when I cry
Because I miss the days
When our children were little
And underfoot
And riding shotgun to lessons and ballgames
You’re here when I ache
For the times our family shared music
By the hours and days and years
You’re especially here for all of that, Mom
And I get it now
And I’m so sorry I wasn’t
More sensitive to you and your heart
As we all left the nest to
Fly on our own
You’re here when I judge myself too harshly
For judging you too harshly
There were so many things
I didn’t know then
That I know now
So many things my soul
Has told you I’m sorry for
And I know you’ve forgiven me for it all
And I thank you
Thank you
Dear Mom
It seems I can’t escape you
Not that I’m trying to escape you
But it is
And always will be
Such a mystery to me
How, even after all these years
I can miss you so much
When you are
Still
And always
Here
